questions taken from Lance (lancearthur.com) who:
Questions taken from an interview with Mark Morris in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, altered accordingly.
Best household chore: Fixing something that is broken, sounds redundant, as in why would you fix something that is not broken, but ask any Tim Allen fan and you will get a surprising answer. So when something in our house doesnt work anymore, I usually get to fix it, cleaning is fun, for, well, odd people, at least they seem odd to me, people like my sister, they like cleaning, they're odd, because, well, I say so. ok? so how do I come up with 'best' and 'chore' thats like 'best' and 'presidential candidate' dont know if best really applies in either. I digress, so fixing something around the house on a saturday morning (still have work hours on the brain, rest of the house has stayed up to the wee hours and will be out cold for some time) so, bored, house needs cleaning and fixing, need to do my share, quick, fix something! didnt get to those damn dishes but man can the garbage disposal kick some ass now! bonus: requires power tools, cant help it, there is still some real guy left under this taste for decorating sensitive 90s guy exterior. worst chore: fix someones computer, very satisfying if I actually do, but TRYING to do so and never getting there, that just blows especially come monday morning when I get to go to work and do more of the same, well sort of.
Fantasy career: wow, thats a tough one, I guess my top 2 still remain, ski instructor - something I did for 4 years in highschool, awesome job, very challenging, rewarding, fantastic perks, but pay scale that not even a burger flipper would envy and second place still holding strong, chief buyer for williams sonoma. Tried to hack my way into working for the chief buyer there when I lived in the bay area long ago, found that the only entrance to the company was one that I could have only afforded to do when I was 18, so I gave up on that dream and became a computer geek, probably my 3rd fantasy career, something I can do in my sleep, yet requires constant learning and allows me to eat without magically coming up with $200,000 to get a worthless degree. Scratch all that, secretly, I really just want to be a mad scientist, thats the job for me, scary fucked up hair, no stupid people and at the end of the rainbow I solve cold fusion and retire to barbados, er, or iceland, whichever my lovely and infinitely patient wife would prefer, after all the solution would likely end up coming from her anyway, in some idle passing of my work where she asks 'if its acting like that all the time, why not reverse the polarity?' - DOH!!!
Favorite place to shop: Home Depot, WAIT! now I am sure that this answer combined with the fixing things around the house answer really has the wrong image, trust me, I spend as much if not more time in Home Depot vexing over the different shades of yellow offered by Ralph Lauren and oogling the plantlife as I do looking at power tools, but really the reason I like to 'shop' there is that it is a wonderful trip down fantasy lane that lets me periodically dream about what it would be like to own a home, oh the things I would do...
however, if by 'shop' you mean 'actually buy' well that changes sharply, online of course, unless, naturally, there is anyway in hell I can have it now now now! otherwise, nearly everything I have was found online, car, house, wife, doctors, financial solutions, furniture etc.... wait! again stop jumping to conclusions now! I didnt go 'shopping' for a wife, nor did I troll the chat rooms, it just happened, by sheer pressure of Chaos theory and I happend to be online at the time. Yard sales, thrift shops and the online/offline reality of craigslist, should not be overlooked either.
It used to be so simple, 10 years ago, a much much shorter answer: Nordstrom, last I checked, they dont sell diapers or $20 work shoes.
Superstitions: Too much of a scientist, all superstitions are either false or scientifically proveable. I practice Reiki, which basically comes down to the analogy of jump starting a car so to speak, only the good battery is the life energy of the known universe and the bad battery is the living thing that doesnt feel so good and the jumper cables, well tha'd be me. For me there is no cosmic woo woo in it, just something that todays scientists couldnt possibly come up with the math to prove, that doesnt make it unreal any more than the earth is flat just because you cant see it from space. Psychic astrology, now heres one were I find it entertaining, may very well be proveable, yet, I really dont care, if you could fortel the future, then why would I rent the movie? how annoying is that? its like life stuck on fast forward, drives me nuts when people just want to find out how it turns out and in the process try to skip how it got there, why be born if someone can tell you that in your 39th year you will marry a herring named chester.
Morning routine: smooth jazz blaring, snooze. smooth jazz blaring, snooze. Fear of smooth jazz blaring, turn off alarm. sleep. wake up. Turn on shower, pee, weigh myself, blow my nose, sneeze or both. Stand in the shower for 5 min half asleep, not moving. Wash hair, rinse. Wash face with some Dr. Bronners eucalpytus or pepperment, rinse. awake now. wash various pits again, Dr. B. Rinse. stand, 3/4 awake 2min. turn the shower off. dry off. clean ears. cough, spit, sneeze, blow nose. brush teeth - braun oral b electric. Rinse, splash water on face, shave, - no cream - gillette sensor - no excel, doest work, doesnt last as long, costs more. weed wacking with eyebrow/nose hair trimmer. Pitt stick - mennen green clear stuff - no anti perspiriant, cant stand how it feels, doesnt work anyway. gel hair, fuss with hair, rinse hands, dry off, cologne cant remember the name smells woodsy, makes my wife smile, what more should it do?
iron. hate ironing, iron front of shirt and sleeves, put it on, iron slacks, put them on, wait, first draws, fairly easy then socks, dark, impossible to find match, takes forever, fucks up my whole day, yea, then ironing, which I hate. glasses, watch, kiss wifes ankle, think of patting wee one on the back, dont want to wake him, just look at him and smile, day is looking better.
downstairs, idle chat with not so wee one, shoes on, keys, wallet, cell phone, coat, errand junk (movie, bill, check, large wooden badger) 'have a good day at school' I say 'try to have a good day at work he says' 'bye' - 'bye'
car, cold start, annoying. look 12 times for short people behind me, start rolling. look at all the people out with their wee ones at the bus stops. Turn on radio, flip channels, try to act interested in public radio, switch to pearl jam cd. switch back to radio, flip channels, get lost in thought, and in traffic, sit. wait. roll. wait. roll. dream of living back in SF, taking bart to work or riding a bike (never did either, sat in traffic just like now, fantasy over) 50/50 stop at 7-11 get a twister roll with sausage, egg and cheese and decaf coffee or go straight to work, nuke water for tea, eat a breakfast bar or pop-tart.
think about working.
Evening routine:
As if, there's and oxymoron in our house. I guess its common for me to go grocery shopping, almost every evening, we live close to a good store so stopping on the way our going back out is easy. Then there is the sifting through the junkmail and bills and nastygrams, getting jamied and comfortable, trying to make something for dinner, often a team effort, eat way too late, then watch the obligitory television, cant resist scrubs, apprentice, biggest loser, and west wing, only been doing that kind of thing lately though. however, one thing is very routine, one of my favorite moments and I get one every day. I get on the other side of the gate in the kitchen and start making requests, soon fullfilled for my now almost 22 month old adorable boy, to grab his blue or yellow banky and come to the gate. Without prompting he hands me the banky, then puts his arms up, as I pick him up, with or without request, he kicks - so as to assist in the lifting as if he was swimming. then at his new altitude - 6 and a half feet, he gets kisses all around from the rest of the house, big brother, mommy, sometimes mahoot the cat. Then up the stairs and out like a light for both of us.
Favorite memento:
Favorite place in the house:
Best thing about being you:
What’s your reputation:
Favorite movie:
Book to recommend:
Your welcome mat:
Little big toy:
Last meal:
Technology item you can’t live without:
Idea of the perfect party:
Topic you wouldn’t bring up at a party:
Fictional character you most identify with:
Favorite decorating technique:
Thing in your house you’re fussiest about:
Procrastination technique:
Guilty pleasure:
What’s by your bedside:
Pets:
Recent purchase:
Always in the fridge:
Nagging injury:
Collections:
Fitness routine:
Recurring nightmare:
Idea of a perfect day:
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